The heart can easily give way to lust if we follow it. This example of waiting until marriage is just one way this concept can affect our sexuality, but can apply to masturbation, pressuring our spouse to try a sexual act that they do not feel peace about, pornography, and so much more. If we enter marriage following our hearts first rather than God’s will, we are often placing ourselves in a position that can result in serving self first, others second, and God last. Submitting to God’s will over our own is a practice that we will have to walk out daily in marriage as we struggle through financial issues, infertility, buying a house, job loss, illness, miscarriage, child-rearing, and so many other challenges. Though our heart may wish to be intimate physically with the one we love, God has asked us to be patient and trust His wishes. It is not to oppress us or test our loyalty. Song of Solomon 8:4 (CSB) says, “Don’t stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.” Our Heavenly Father urges us to practice delaying gratification because it will build character that will support our marriage and will ultimately lead to increased satisfaction. In His Word, God asks us to reserve the sexual relationship for within the confines of the marital covenant. Discipline is often viewed as repressing our desires - some may even say “God-given desires.” Let’s take premarital sex for example. As we have become a more self-centered culture, integrity, discipline, and service have lost standing in our minds as priorities. You may be starting to see how I believe this concept of following one’s own heart can relate to our sexuality. Welch then states, “If you exalt the individual and make emotions the path to truth, then whatever you feel most strongly will be considered both good and necessary for growth.” We are encouraged to go after what we want and the thought of discipline or patience is often ignored, or worse, viewed as oppressive. We turn from His Scripture and voice, putting more faith in our emotions and wishes. In other words, if we begin to rely on ourselves to be our guides through life, then Jesus is not truly our Lord. While I do believe that each person is touched by the fingerprint of God and has His unique giftings and qualities within them, I cannot forget that in Welch’s words, “If we fail to recognize the reality and depth of our sin problem, God will become less important, and people will become more important.” I want to believe that under even the most tough exterior is a softness and a pure heart. I have always struggled with this verse because as a Christian and a counselor, I want to look for the best in people and find their strengths. In fact, Scripture tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things” (Jeremiah 17:9, ESV). Let’s start with the advice of “follow your heart.” Within that piece of advice is the assumption that the heart is ultimately pure and can lead us to the “right path.” Unfortunately, this is not the truth. I would like to share some of this with you as I believe it is very pertinent to our culture today and has direct implications on our sexuality. When I read this chapter, it felt like the author was speaking to my heart and I think I underlined almost every sentence.
It is something I had been pondering for a little while as I wrestled with how to identify when we are following God’s guidance using spiritual discernment versus following our own wishes and believing that is what He would have us do. Welch that really convicted me about this topic. Recently I read a chapter in When People Are Big and God is Small by Edward T.
But what does that mean exactly - and what are the implications to our sexuality?
One of the most popular phrases we tell others when trying to guide or encourage them is, “Follow your heart.” It seems harmless and altruistic enough - and I am quite sure it is often delivered with the best of intentions.